I had a moment in the shower today where I realized that I’m trying too hard. I’m trying too hard to be what I think everyone wants me to be. This isn’t new news or anything as this is something that I’ve struggled with my whole life but as an adult I want to be more conscious of this and it appears that I’ve been “absent”.
What does trying to hard look like? It’s when you are noticing what others think/want/feel/need before your own thoughts/feelings/wants/needs. This doesn’t mean you are accommodating others, but it does mean that you are adjusting your natural inclination to react because there is some sort of fear associated with your/their response.
Why is this a problem? It’s not necessarily a problem if you are leaning in to your feelings and understand WHY you are acting one way or the other. It becomes a problem when you stop being your true authentic self or you stop listening to the deep gut-talk that’s yelling in your ear.
This is what trying too hard looks like for me….
- Being a “yes man”
- Having a “blowing in the wind” personality because I don’t want to ruin relationships
- Being quiet (and not extremely proud) about the things that I’m working hard on or how I’m growing
- Not using my voice to get what I want. Letting others speak over me when my opinion/thoughts are equally valid
- Putting on a mask to be someone I think people see me as versus just being presently who I am
- Keeping quiet about the things that are true inside me because it doesn’t fit the persona I want to share
One thing I want to point out is that these feelings aren’t anyone else’s responsibility or “fault”. This is something that comes from within and something that will have to be dealt with by looking in the mirror FIRST. It’s easy to put it on others with thoughts like, “they just don’t accept me”, or “this is just who they want me to be so I’ll be it”, or “I’m afraid they won’t like me if they know me now”. Understanding and accepting your own place in this will give you the greatest foundation to enact change.
What am I going to with this insight that I’ve gained today?
- First, I decided to write about it. I think sharing this and “putting it out there” is a great way to reflect and connect with others. It’s nice to hear other’s experience because you can gain so much from just knowing you aren’t alone
- I intend on leaning in to it. There are a lot of questions to ask myself. Now that the “scales have been removed from my eyes” I’m going to pay attention to it. What’s triggering me to do this? Who do I think I need to be? Why do I think I need to be someone else? Why am I so insecure in being who I am? Are these fleeting feelings or something deeper? Let the questions roll out and answer them. Be honest and don’t answer with others in mind
- I’m going to reinvest my time into quiet and meditation
- Journal and reflect on what I learn
- Take micro steps to start embracing who I am. I really do love who I am and who I want to be. I have to learn to walk in the space of who I am and be forgiving of who I’m not yet and not let others stir fear and doubt in me
I’m 1000% certain that others experience these same feelings. We all tend to bottle it up and think we are alone but reality is that we all need one another. If you are reading this on SOULRISE on Facebook, or SOULRISEUP on Instagram post a comment if you feel like sharing your story. If you are reading this on my personal blog then please comment. We learn from one another and the wisdom that’s shared between us could truly change someone else’s life.
Thanks for taking the time to read!