Do you ever look for security in “stuff”? In people? Do you ever have moments that you feel totally out of place and wonder if you matter? Do you leave the presence of others and wonder if they really wanted you around or were they just faking it?
Do you ever feel totally secure in just being yourself and trusting that you (your BIGGER YOU, not the ego… the YOU – YOU) are the only one that’s going to get yourself through the next moment?
I wanted to describe this “security” concept to you in a couple ways to give you a better understanding or at least a quick look into the way my brain processes it. Here are a couple situations that I think will give you a bit of an idea.
I was leaving an event (let’s call it – FREE TIME) not too long ago and someone I really respected was there. This person always says HI to me and is always super friendly. For some reason, I want to win their favor (that’s another blog for another day). My gremlins started running their mouth and kept telling me that this person doesn’t think I’m “COOL” enough and that this person probably likes others more than me. I leave the place feeling totally insecure. I literally worked myself up and got so down on myself because this person didn’t acknowledge that I was leaving to say GOODBYE. I felt let down and like I didn’t matter. I placed my worth and security in someone else’s hands which doesn’t sound very secure does it?
(PAUSE – I am able to identify that this is a very people-pleasing mentality not to mention very much a need for attention and approval. I see it so we can explore that another day)
Let’s just assume that you have it much more together than I do and need a less emotional example. Imagine that you are about to bungee jump.
You went to the safest place to do this (because you researched), you watched them test the 15 ropes that are attached to you and you watched them inflate the cushion to catch you in the event something goes wrong. You even know that every safety check is in place because you saw the checklist. You should feel secure right? Then why have you rechecked every rope multiple times, made sure all the hooks were in place, looked down over the edge and backed away a couple times and continue to ask the question “Is this safe?” That feeling in you, that gut wrenching feeling of “what if?”, is not too far off from feeling like you don’t matter.
Both of these situations create a gut response of “HOLY CRAP, what if the world comes crashing to an end!” In both, we are looking for security from an external source. Yes, unless you can fly the second example requires an external source of security but that feeling it creates is still the same.
So as I was driving home from “FREE TIME” I was able to lean in and figure out the whole insecure moment I’d just had. It all came down to fear and feeling like I didn’t matter or that I wasn’t worth other’s attention. I actually had a “A HA” (THANKS Oprah) moment because for a second I got the gut punch like I was about to bungee jump and that everything was out of my control. As I leaned in and identified it, I was able to remind myself that I was the only one that was going to be able to resolve this intense uncomfortable moment. I could let my mind run away from me OR I could remind myself that I’m lovable, that my purpose is bigger than one moment, and that regardless of any circumstance, I am worthy. I realized in that split second that I was capable of resolving this fear. Awareness is a skill that many people don’t understand or have the ability to utilize. We all own the capability but few embrace it.
Why am I telling you all of this and why did I title this “Security”?
First I want everyone to understand that you are not alone on your journey. While this story might not specifically relate to an experience you have encountered, I can bet that you have been through something that caused that gut punch I’ve referred to. Second, what I found in that “A HA” moment was that I was the only person that could remind myself of my worth and it stick. I am the only person that can fully grasp or embrace my endless value. There is not one person or one thing on this earth that can reaffirm that totality. My security comes from within and knowing that…
(PS… that’s a clickable link and you don’t want to miss out on the awesomeness!)
My only hope in sharing all of this is that one person can relate and realize their worth. Our boats all look different but the rivers we float on all flow to the same source.
Keep your head held high, remind yourself daily that you matter, and don’t forget that you are not alone.
Go and do something kind!