Do you trust yourself? Do you trust the voice inside your head that gives you direction? What about your gut? Intuition?
This is ROAD BLOCK #1 for me right now.
My poor counselor, Lynn, listens to me go in circles about topics that all point back to the same issue…I don’t trust myself. It’s not that I’m lying to myself (maybe I am a little) or that I don’t see the big picture. Half of the time I’ve said the punchline to the joke and yet I still don’t quite get the humor. I doubt what I’m thinking. I doubt that I could be wise enough to make an important decision.
AM I REALLY FEELING THIS?
JOSH, YOU DO THIS ALL THE TIME. WHAT IF YOU REGRET IT?
IT DOESN’T REALLY MATTER TO YOU DOES IT? IT’S NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL.
ARE YOU SURE YOU FEEL THAT WAY OR DID YOU JUST CREATE THIS WHOLE DRAMATIC STORY IN YOUR HEAD?
YOU HEARD WHAT THEY SAID ABOUT YOU. WHY DO YOU KEEP TRYING TO MAKE IT HAPPEN? DOES ANYONE REALLY WANT TO HEAR YOUR THOUGHTS?
It’s like a mini soap opera in my head. The more I go back and forth with myself I often talk myself out of the very thing that the SPIRIT is leading me to. I know that there are times when I’ve been led to a higher calling and I bailed out of fear. I didn’t want to believe that I was really feeling what I was feeling because it required change. It required me making big choices that I wasn’t ready to make (and still don’t feel ready). It also required me “going through the uncomfortable”.
The Uncomfortable – After the plane lands, taxi’s, the seatbelt sign goes off and everyone stands to exit the plane and then you wait. It feels like an eternity and if you are on the back of the plane it quickly becomes the biggest plane ever and yet the smallest space ever. WHAT IS TAKING PEOPLE SO LONG TO GET OFF THE PLANE!!!? Yes, that’s “the uncomfortable”!
I’ve missed out on things that I really wanted because I didn’t make it through “the uncomfortable”. Small goals, big opportunities, friendships, confidence builders, mistakes to learn from… you name it and I probably avoided it. I was led, guided, and “saw the light” and yet because I didn’t trust myself (or have confidence that I was REALLY feeling/seeing this) I didn’t have the courage to take the next step.
I say all of this because it’s time for me to be really vulnerable. I’ve been talking about the enlightenment that’s going on inside of me for some time now. I’ve mentioned it via blog/vlog/FB/IG and any other avenue where I could express myself. This is BIGGER THAN ME and I don’t want to doubt myself this time around because I don’t want to miss the boat.
I refuse to be fearful of the unknown.
I refuse to let what others say cause doubt of my worth and the vision that’s alive in me.
I refuse to let what others have always thought of me block me from becoming who I’m made to be.
I refuse to be stagnant.
I refuse to turn and run.
I will sit in the uncomfortable and figure it out this time. It’s about time that I start finding my worth and exploring who I’m made to be. Just because I “was” doesn’t mean I “am” now. Just because I couldn’t before doesn’t mean I won’t this time. I am different today and I like this version of me. I expect more from myself and I will expect more from those that are in my life. We were created only to shine the light and share the love. Everything else is just a side note.