Being held back sucks! Can I get an AMEN somebody?
I’m one of those people that likes to go a million miles an hour. I certainly wouldn’t say that sitting still is one of my strengths that’s for sure. I want to go, see, smell, taste, LIVE. I want to be present in the world and experience what life has to give.
SCREEEEEECHING HALT!!! I hit a wall this past month.
I hit a big wall that’s kept me down for nearly the whole month. I tried pushing through it for the first couple weeks but these past two weeks I’ve been as Carrie Underwood would sing, “flat on the floor”…. literally.
I have a bad back. I know this. I did squats…(Shakes head)… That is a NO-NO for Josh Tippy. A BIG NO-NO! I was working out in a group setting and squats was the primary exercise of the circuit so I thought since it was low weight, “why not?”
I felt the pressure build in my low back almost instantly but I kept going because I didn’t want to look weak. I felt embarrassed and rather than just being a friend to myself I let the negativity committee in my head order me around.
I’m going on 4 weeks now of constant pain in my low back with radiating pain down my legs. I’ve got a bulging disc (which surprisingly enough statistics show that 85% of adults have bulging discs and they aren’t aware of it or its asymptomatic…just a tidbit of info for you) and my hips aren’t lying when they say they are tense over it all. I’m locked up and down for the count. Needless to say, this hasn’t been the best month of my life.
I’ve had a lot of time to reflect on what I did “wrong”. What caused this? How could I let this happen? Things were going so well and now I’m sitting around eating too much with low energy and a bad attitude. I’ve felt rather depressed because I’ve been taken away from the things that I think/thought brought me life. Whoa is me, right?
As I’m sitting here writing this blog, I’m seeing things a little more clear. Literally, I’m having a “A-HA” moment right now! This whole experience of being held down and held back symbolizes something so much deeper than the physical aspect. Sit back, lean into the couch because the therapy session is starting!
I’m going to try and explain my thoughts as they appear to me.
The lack of care for myself (not being a friend to myself, not listening to my body) = my not following my gut, speaking my truth, and for being fearful to live in the life I so crave
My back injury = the outcome of suppressed expression
My holding down experience = Remaining quiet when I need to speak and not taking the chance to feel alive when the moment shows itself. Being 100% aware of the frustration and feeling the agony of not being authentically Josh
My recovery = having this “A-HA” moment and taking action to live it out
It’s amazing what just sitting down and doing what you know you need to do can teach you. I’ve been wanting to write a blog for weeks now but I felt like I had nothing to say. I’ve felt in the back of my soul an inauthenticity because I’ve not been living out what I so often talk about. Tonight, I decided that I would share my experience of this back injury with you just to sort of let you in on my world. I didn’t know what else to talk about but the Soul knew exactly what I needed to share. Through my expression of writing I was able to see how this whole experience taught me a greater lesson. I feel like I have a sense of action orientation, like I can do something about my situation.
Healing will come to body, mind and spirit.
My advice to you is to listen to your body when it’s talking to you. Listen to your gut when it’s sharing a wisdom thats so far beyond what the world can teach you. Just listen and get lost in the thoughts of who you want to be and what it takes to get you to that space.
O yeah! Don’t forget to stretch.
Thank you for taking this journey with me tonight!
A Journey with TooTallTippy