Have you ever had the moment when you realize you just aren’t that great of a friend? Or that great of a person? Have you realized your limitations as a person? As a friend? Do you have moments of thinking this way? Are they just moments or is it true? Or a little bit of both?
I’ve had a couple of those moments here lately. I think it’s GOD holding me accountable to being a better version of myself but in the moment it can be rather frustrating and somewhat disheartening. Mostly I keep having this about being a better friend (friend means family member too). Don’t get me wrong, I’m not bad to my friends by any means. I think those that I call friends know that I love them. Am I perfect? NO. Do I do my best? Mostly. Could I do better? Definitely. Is there only one Josh? Appears that way.
So why am I talking about this tonight? Well, one because it’s on my heart and two I’m doing a lot of soul-searching. I WANT TO BE THE BEST VERSION I CAN BE OF MYSELF….END OF STORY. The more I read and learn one of the most profound ideas I keep reading is that we must accept our own limitations. So, I’m the guy that’s a combo of FOMO and alone time. I want to please everyone and often realize I can’t. What ends up happening is that I sell everyone short because I’ve promised too much, sold myself too much, and never delivered.
(SIDE NOTE – I realize this is self-imposed. Most of all of my wonderful friends haven’t told me that I’m a horrible friend. They are very honest and loving but I can’t help but hear sometimes that I’m letting them down and it bothers me because I know GOD created me for more AND I want them to be happy with our friendship)
As I sit here, I’m admitting to myself that I need to learn to communicate my limitations without fear of disappointing others. I guess to really be WHO YOU ARE then you need to really LIVE WHO YOU ARE which includes stating your truth. My guess is there is a lot of freedom in just opening others up to you flaws and all.
(Side note – my friends know my flaws….I’m sure of it…. BUT they keep good secrets like they don’t…. or they call me out)
I say all of this because I want to give you some ideas on how to handle this if you ever feel this way. It’s tough and you have to swallow your own pride and OWN IT. (I’m still not good at that) The goal in ALL OF THIS is to keep your word. You are nothing without your word. I do believe that TRUST is the center of any relationship ….friend…. partner….. family…..
So here’s my wisdom…..
- LISTEN to what others say to you. Are they telling you things you need to hear? Are you really HEARING them?
- REFLECT on what you’ve heard and identify with what you believe to be true. Don’t own THEIR stuff but take the time to pray over/meditate over and own yours.
- FILTER what’s real and whats not real. You could spend a lot of time beating yourself up here and that’s not the point. The point is about becoming the BEST YOU in the BEST WAY with the BEST PEOPLE AROUND YOU. Don’t let the gremlins in your mind own this step.
- IDENTIFY what you are capable of or WILLING TO DO. If you know you are living beyond your means then say that up front. Stop selling a Corvette and delivering a bicycle.
- ACT. Take action. Do something. Make changes. Do what you say you will do.
- COMMUNICATE. A good conversation never hurt anyone. Be honest and tell your friends how you are feeling. They may love you but decide they want a more involved friend. They may be grateful and say PEACE OUT. Most likely if they are your real friends then they will love you and encourage you. Friends do that for friends.
PS – this is not a “woe is me” blog. I am just raising the bar on the expectations I have of myself. I want to LIVE to the fullest and I believe that requires the investment in those that have been brought into my life. I expect nothing less than the best out of myself so that’s my goal.