Confidence.
There is so much mental capacity to this word.
So much depth.
So much emotion.
If you have it, you feel untouchable. If you don’t, you can feel worthless.
As I was riding in Soulcycle tonight I had a moment and the word CONFIDENCE came to mind. I was tapping it back, body rolling and doing around the worlds all while thinking about the concept of “confidence”. I actually was feeling it more than thinking about it since I felt the whole range of perspective.
Most of the time I walk into class fairly confident that I can get my legs moving fast enough to keep up with the beat.
(Side note – Did I tell you I was a college cheerleader?
I mean RAH RAH RAH… bootyshake… GO BEARS!
Keep up y’all!)
Most of the time my brain is sparking at pace so I feel pretty confident that I can complete class without injury. This sort of confidence comes from experience. I’ve been doing Soulcycle now for a couple years so I’ve developed this skillset enough that confidence isn’t a big worry. I’ve learned that I am capable therefore I don’t question my ability.
(Cue dramatic music) Well, until tonight.
Have you ever had one of those moments where the confidence is SUCKED right out of you? Inside you go from cloud nine to chilling with the elements at the core of the Earth? I had one of those moments tonight.
The instructor tonight was Valentina.
Let me see, how do I describe Valentina?
(Dim the lights for dramatic effect)
Valentina is a
gorgeous fireball
full of energy
and authenticity.
Every class she brings
her A-game and she does
everything she can to not let you down.
She’s one of those people that you love to love
and want them to like you back.
You know the kind.
Well, tonight during the chaos of digging into the beat and trying to lose myself in the music, Valentina bounces right in front of me (keep in mind that she’s bouncing around all over the place sharing her energy with everyone). She’s giving me instruction on the move we are doing and it was like I lost all sense of brain power. I didn’t know any of my hand positions. I was going up when everyone was going down, back when everyone was forward, basically a hot mess (figuratively and literally). She encouraged me enough back on track but I’d already blown the moment.
Side note – People don’t know the effect they have
on you in any given moment.
They don’t know what’s going on in your head.
Moments are created for you
and by you and you design what the outcome is for YOU.
The moment Valentina created for me was a learning moment
and all she had to do was create a presence in front of me
and share her power.
OK… back to the story
The pressure was on and I was all over the place. I’m a front row rider so I don’t have time to be the confusion. I have to LEAD my row into HEAVEN! (LOL… AND I want to be an instructor so if I can’t get this right how will I ever lead a class!). Fortunately for me, a power R&B girl came on so I had beats to bounce to and I was able to catch back up.
My point is that during this mentally dramatic moment the concept of confidence became so clear to me. I guess you can say that I’ve always been someone that struggles with confidence. I tend to lean to the side of wanting “people to like me” and to “being what others want me to be” versus really just being me regardless of the world’s opinion. Let me clarify, this was the Josh from age BIRTH to about 35. I’ve slowly learned who I am through life experience, work, my relationships/friendships and just the crap that life throws at you. The Josh of today is mostly secure so when this confidence sucking moment occurred I needed to LEAN INTO it. The great thing about Soulcycle is that you can lean into your thoughts while you’re killing your body in a workout.
I went from confidence to no confidence in a matter of moments. I went from trusting myself to not. I went from feeling great to unsure of myself. I questioned my entire ability all because of one moment that I didn’t perform under pressure.
ISN’T THAT CRAZY that ONE MOMENT can have this sort of power?
Ya know, I’m sure there are people out there that will read this and totally NOT RELATE and think I’m a weakling for even mentioning this but I also know there are others that will TOTALLY GET IT. For those that don’t, thanks for reading and hope you have a great day! For those that get it, LEAN IN and relate.
I’ve had some time to lean in and I found great joy from what I learned in that moment. What I learned is actually quite profound. I walked out of class a different person than I walked in. My eyes were opened a little more to how much I let external things create internal stories. I knew this about myself but most of the time I’m mindless to it and tonight I was mindful of it.
THAT’S GROWTH!
I’m learning to celebrate the brief “A-HA” moments in life. The small moments are like the little twinkle of an admirer’s eye that creates a life-long love or a spark that starts a wild fire. When you embrace what you learn about yourself you create a power that no one can touch. Don’t ignore the moments when your eyes are opened a little bit more. Do whatever it takes to not blink.
Maybe write a BLOG about it!
The Journey of TooTallTippy 